The Great Patent Race: From Patent #1 to Patent #12,000,000

Ladies and gentlemen, gather ’round as we embark on a thrilling journey through the annals of patent history—a tale of invention, ingenuity, and more legal paperwork than you can shake a gavel at. We’re about to explore the wild, wonderful world of the patent race, from the first flicker of innovation in 1836 to the explosive fireworks of today, where the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) has just rolled out its 12 millionth patent. Buckle up, because this ride is going to be a rollercoaster of creativity and bureaucracy!

The Great Acceleration: 2 Million to 6 Million

Now, things start to speed up. It took another 56 years, 8 months, and 26 days to reach the 2 million mark, with Patent #2,000,000 awarded on April 30, 1935, for “Vehicle Wheel Construction,” a pneumatic tire for rail cars. After that, it was off to the races:

• 3 million on September 12, 1961, for an automatic reading system that converts human language into machine-readable language. (9,645 days later).
• 4 million on December 28, 1976, for a “process for recycling asphalt-aggregate compositions.” (5,574 days later).
• 5 million on March 19, 1991, for creating a means to use E. coli bacteria to produce ethanol. (5,205 days later).
• 6 million on December 7, 1999, for a method of synchronizing files between computers. (3,551 days later).

Warp Speed: 7 Million to 12 Million

If you think that’s fast, wait until you see the next stretch. The time between milestones shrank faster than a wool sweater in hot water:

• 7 million on February 14, 2006, for inventing strong, biodegradable, low-cost textile fibers from polysaccharides. (2,625 days later).
• 8 million on August 16, 2011,  for a “visual prosthesis” for people who have gone blind due to retinal degeneration. (2,010 days later).
• 9 million on April 7, 2015,  for a “windshield washer conditioner,” which collects rainwater from a car’s windshield and recycles it for cleaning the windshield. (1,331 days later).
• 10 million on June 19, 2018, for a “Coherent LADAR Using Intra-Pixel Quadrature Detection,” which improves laser detection and ranging. (1,169 days later).
• 11 million on May 11, 2021, for a new method for delivering, positioning, and/or repositioning a collapsible and expandable stent frame within a patient’s heart chamber (1,057 days later).

The Comedy of Innovation

So, what have we learned from this whirlwind tour through patent history? For one, humans are endlessly inventive. Whether it’s a better mousetrap, a groundbreaking pharmaceutical, or a new way to peel an avocado, we’ve always got something up our sleeves. And secondly, the USPTO must have a caffeine budget the size of Texas to keep up with this deluge of creativity.

Here’s to the next million patents and the millions more after that. Who knows what wonders await us in the patent pipeline? One thing’s for sure: the future is going to be full of surprises, paperwork, and a whole lot of innovation. Cheers to the inventors, the dreamers, and the patent examiners who keep the wheels of progress turning!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a brilliant idea for a self-folding laundry robot to patent. See you at the 13 million mark!

Summary of Patent Milestones (in Days):

• 1 Million: 27,543 days
• 2 Million: 20,707 days
• 3 Million: 9,645 days
• 4 Million: 5,574 days
• 5 Million: 5,205 days
• 6 Million: 3,551 days
• 7 Million: 2,625 days
• 8 Million: 2,010 days
• 9 Million: 1,331 days
• 10 Million: 1,169 days
• 11 Million: 1,057 days
• 12 Million: 755 days